l. + h. + s.

my afghan co-workers + i have been having some interesting conversations about dating, relationships, marriage, + so on.




l. is a v. independent, intelligent young woman who is really only interested in marrying for love. she has rejected a number of arranged marriage proposals + is constantly receiving telephone calls from sad-sack beaus.

h. married quite young. his main pleasure at work is to goad + advise l. in how to attract a husband (and, of course, to suggest potential matches based on the steady stream of young men who visit our office).

according to h.:

when a boy and girl meet properly, they are surrounded by family + are not allowed to speak to each other directly. thus, the boy must use nonverbal cues to woo the girl: rapidly blinking his eyes to indicate his appreciation for hers, drawing his finger over his eyebrow as a means of expressing his liking of her eyebrow shape. so much is focused on the eyes as that is often the only part of the girl that is not covered in some fashion.

when a family is scoping out a wife for their husband, the women of the family pay a visit to the girl's home. the young lady is usually so terrified of them that she hides + hides until forced to show herself. the visiting women are v. strict in their assessment, looking carefully at how tidy the home is, as that is thought to demonstrate v. much the character of the family. apparently, one of their tricks is to closely observe the ceiling lights: if there is any dust on them, this is an indication of the poor quality of the family + the ladies politely take their leave.

and so on . . .

in the reverse, l. + h. are intensely curious to discuss what they've heard about u.s. customs: living with someone without being married, the prevalence of divorce, how women are still accepted socially even though they have been divorced, unrelated adults co-habitating platonically well into their golden years . . . l. tends to favor these, while h. is rather incredulous.

i am equally flummoxed by the prospect of this 25-year old father of 3 spending a great deal of time grooming a second wife (not l.!) . . . and in such a tremendously up-front manner. i suspect that i will never understand afghan men + of course the feeling is mutual. still, it is good that we try to talk to each other + we can mostly keep it light when discussing each other's customs/traditions/what have you that we may sometimes find unappealing.

never boring!